:)(
Wednesday, June 23, 2010 @ 8:34 pm
I don't know what I'm feeling now because I feel rather deflated and disappointed, but on the other hand, I should be thankful for the unexpected bonus is going to come in next month.
I was at a downhil this morning when i saw that i wasn't on the promotion list (somehow I knew i won't get it because there were no pre-talks with the partners about a pending promotion but yet, somewhere in my heart i wished for a miracle). I can't say I'm not disappointed. That's a lie.
The truth is I wanted it so badly but yet i didn't want to hold such high expectations only to be crushed when served the bad news. So i'm stuck in the middle. I can't find the tears to cry but I can't find the strength to trudge on no matter how many times I tell myself "Try harder next time"
The fact is I've been trying hard since Day 1 - yes, I realised it really takes alot to 'up-sell' yourself to gain recognition. And slowly I'm building it up and like the Aussies who love to tell you - "You're just not good enough" and all the air you've built up inside just get let out in that instant.
On the 'small' upside - I got news that in our annual salary review, i got a small increment and an additional bonus (note: this is very seldom as it's only given to those who had an 'exceed expectations' rating for performance review).
So I'm confused - all the boxes have been ticked for the criteria to get promoted but I'm just not there yet.
It's like running a marathon and no matter how hard you convince yourself and your legs that the ending is near, it's just not there yet. Another 30km, 20km? I don't know.
Don't get me wrong, I really appreciate the exposure I get in my job and working with some very talented people. But I feel 'old' and jaded already. I want to make full use of my purpose to work hard for God and for myself.
I know I must trust in Him in all things. Something better is definitely going to be coming my way (in fact it already did in my increment and bonus) and He definitely has better plans for me, I'm just not looking far enough that's all.
I believe I can do it. YES I must believe so.
For now, just let me indulge in a little self-pity and let me climb onto my bed and coax myself to sleep.
It will be a better day tomorrow.
Thanks for reading.
I was at a downhil this morning when i saw that i wasn't on the promotion list (somehow I knew i won't get it because there were no pre-talks with the partners about a pending promotion but yet, somewhere in my heart i wished for a miracle). I can't say I'm not disappointed. That's a lie.
The truth is I wanted it so badly but yet i didn't want to hold such high expectations only to be crushed when served the bad news. So i'm stuck in the middle. I can't find the tears to cry but I can't find the strength to trudge on no matter how many times I tell myself "Try harder next time"
The fact is I've been trying hard since Day 1 - yes, I realised it really takes alot to 'up-sell' yourself to gain recognition. And slowly I'm building it up and like the Aussies who love to tell you - "You're just not good enough" and all the air you've built up inside just get let out in that instant.
On the 'small' upside - I got news that in our annual salary review, i got a small increment and an additional bonus (note: this is very seldom as it's only given to those who had an 'exceed expectations' rating for performance review).
So I'm confused - all the boxes have been ticked for the criteria to get promoted but I'm just not there yet.
It's like running a marathon and no matter how hard you convince yourself and your legs that the ending is near, it's just not there yet. Another 30km, 20km? I don't know.
Don't get me wrong, I really appreciate the exposure I get in my job and working with some very talented people. But I feel 'old' and jaded already. I want to make full use of my purpose to work hard for God and for myself.
I know I must trust in Him in all things. Something better is definitely going to be coming my way (in fact it already did in my increment and bonus) and He definitely has better plans for me, I'm just not looking far enough that's all.
I believe I can do it. YES I must believe so.
For now, just let me indulge in a little self-pity and let me climb onto my bed and coax myself to sleep.
It will be a better day tomorrow.
Thanks for reading.