Wednesday, January 26, 2005

I'm actually feeling so much better already....really thank God for His grace to look after me and made sure I got well before CNY!! Praise Him! :D
feeling kind of at ease these few days, wondering if it's due to my illness or sth.... suddenly feel that I could handle the workload much better now as compared to the start of the school. Prolly coz I'm rather numb by the tons of stuff that i need to do ba.... rather indifferent already. heh.
met up w Aunt Janet today for lunch. her son jus got moved out of ICU but still hafta stay in the childrens' ward for observation for another few days. was so shocked when i heard that Jason (her son) was admitted to A&E and had to be resuscitated at KK. heard it's some bacteria in the blood that's wreaking havoc inside his small body. prayed for him and his family that God will tide them through this obstacle and that little fighter will resume to his normal health soon. And He has created yet another miracle. :)

We ate at the chi restaurant at Staff Club. the food was not bad, tho abit ex for a set lunch lar...but Aunt Janet paid for it tho i offered to go dutch. but she was kind to gave me a treat. she's really such a doll, we talked as if we were like age-old friends that had gotten tog after not seeing each other for some time. we chatted on so many things and it was really an enjoyable time.

recently, the issue of death kept resurfacing thru my mind and always brought tears to my eyes and sent jittery down my spine. i jus can't face the mere mention of the D word, let alone thinking abt it. I jus duno why i'm so fearful of it. I know I'll go to heaven ultimately but I jus haf dozen and one questions to ask. Where would we be exactly? Are we goin to be angels that send God's miracles to people on Earth? Are we goin to float around? I mean all these are unexplained by anyone rite tho the Bible says that those who believe in Him shall haf eternal life.... I think i nid to connect with Him more, prob I will fear death lesser n lesser....

there's was this time when i was eating dinner w my parents when sudd i tot of the issue of them passing away as they age. i sudd grew silent and tears were already rollin in my eyes.... I jus can't imagine the day when they ultimately leave me and go into another world...can they feel the pain that I'm suffering from losing them? Will they find peace? Will they be conscious that we are grieving over their departure? I really duno...there are so many questions that I know will not be answered.....perhaps until the day I go to heaven...

haha sudd sound so solemn and grey....hmm...duno y i've been thinking abt these recently... sometimes i wish i could really not care about my school work and jus go pursue something i really like. was talking to Serene and knew that she received an invitation from NTU to study bio sciences here. and she has even decided wat kind of courses she's gonna take, wat minor she intends to study and the kind of career she will eventually be having.... I mean how many people can be as certain as to wat u want in life? Even for myself, I'm still unsure of my own future? What do I really want? Do i want to be an accountant/auditor? Do i really wan to continue my studies? She also has a passion in dancing and nothing is stopping her from doin what she likes most.... how nice can it be when you lead a life that is so meaningful and filled with purpose and everyday is just so worth looking forward to? I've never felt that in my 20 years of life.....

I guess i'm still struggling to find the path that i wan to take for the rest of my life. and until then, i'll be stuck with whatever I have now and just graduate by next year May.

Saturday, January 22, 2005

went to see doc again....this is the 3rd time and i've already spent $90 on medicine.

i really duno wat's wrong with me you know. I've avoided all cold, fried and heaty food, i drank alot of water (all the water in my house is drank by me and i had to boil the kettle 3 times a day!) and i take my medicine regularly!!! So wat exactly is wrong??

antibiotics doesn't seem to be working on me and now i'm trying another new type, I really hope this time i'll be completely cured coz i hate having to cough so hard that my chest was painful and i can't even sleep properly at night! :(

anyways, i went to cut, highlight n coloured my hair at Shunji Matsuo yesterday... forgot to ask how much is everything until she finished w my hair liao den i know it had cost me $170!!!! #$&%*^(#*&$*%

shudn't haf gone there to do my hair, din noe it's so ex. Last time i also did similar stuff plus treatment it only cost me $120 max lo.....think she charge me medium length prices. but my hair not exactly shoulder lenght yet wat, only that few strands.... how much will it cost for their dye colour man???? urgh.

din do anything since thursday and haf spent whole afternoon doin my hair yesterday.....still got so much stuff undone.......help!!! and i'm feeling sleepy after the drowsy medicine......

Monday, January 17, 2005

gosh... my sore throat is getting worse...think it's super red n swollen by all the coughing i had over the weekend.

had already taken medication regularly, 3 times a day, 6 hours each, but it doesn't seem to be getting any better.... :(

had driving again jus now....and it's my usual instructor again. Super pissed off with that boss already, always change to another instructor to teach me rather than the usual one. How is my previous instructor suppose to know how i'm progressing.

I haf doubts about his abilities now. Cannot be trusted, doesn't keep his promise, always make things difficult for me and anyhow change instructor and car for me without telling me beforehand. I seriously wonder if he had booked my driving practical for me. i'd better ask him this friday. :/

i'm coughing till my lungs are coming out liao!!!~~~~ =/ HELP!!!!!!

Friday, January 14, 2005

i lost my voice.

Wednesday, January 12, 2005

had such a sucky driving lesson jus now.....urgh...

is it me or is it jus everyting else? wateva, i duno wat i'm toking abt...

it's getting harder n harder to breathe....

Tuesday, January 11, 2005

felt so weary looking at the tonne and tonnes of readings waiting for me to read....

gosh, i totally hated it. find that there's like not enough time for everything lidat...lessons end at 6.30 on wed n thurs, and by the time i reach home it's alr 8+....not much time left for studying and hafta wake up early for sch next morn...sianzzz

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had the first biz comm presentation today... duno y but i'm super nervous. faltered in my speech and didn't really deliver it well. lots of urrm, ahhh and farni stuff....super disgusted. think i did the worst in the class, shud haf rehearsed more at home, or maybe find another topic to tok about. shit.

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went for health screening today, i'm OVERWEIGHT!!!! actually nid to lose 2kg den i'm alrite liao, but i still can't believe it. been deluding myself that i'm still ok, not v fat or wat. BUt i'm wrong. I AM FAT. with a big fat ass and elephant thighs. I look totally disgusting. urgh. duno y i'm so disgusting.

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met up with the vice dean today to discuss abt FYP matters. he was previously in charge of MBA grads and we happened to be the first to email him regarding FYP supervisor so he agreed to take us. But the topic seems rather difficult. Unless we can find a topic that's of his interest, we gonna do on the one he has done previously.

suddenly hate school and all the work. duno y this sem tutors' all act n behave like 3 yr old kids. how ridiculous can it be when tutor scolds u when u mutter intentionally, or u nid to raise ur hand to ask for permission to go toilet, or he'll lock the door if you're 10min late? f**k him lar. go and die.
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astrology says that i'll haf loads of good luck in love, work n health. wonder if it's really true, coz i'm feeling very miserable right now. Or are these symptoms of good luck befalling on me pretty soon? duhzzz....

guess i nid to go church soon, i nid to pray to God and ask for his advice. I miss Him too.

Sunday, January 09, 2005

been so stressed this whole week...finally get to relax when i took time off to visit Pearl and her new born baby girl, Jacee..

when we arrived at her house, there were already relatives dere and was actually quite noisy despite the baby sleeping. Pearl looked so haggard and tired....she said all the feeding made her so weak and tired and coz of the visitors coming in these past week, she can barely rest. =X (sudd feel bad for visiting her when she nids to recover :P)

anyway, we went to see the little angel sleeping in her cot. she has so much hair! seldom see new born babies having so much hair like her leh...hee :P but she was SOOO cute, had big round eyes, little nose and pouty lips...couldn't relly tell if she resembles mum or dad but either or, she'll be a pretty lady when she grows up! :)

we looked at her sleeping (actually there's nothing to see lar, but babies are jus so adorable!) and caressed her hair and arms whil she slept. babies haf v farni expressions when they are sleeping u noe. Jacee yawned and fidgeted here n there, it was really like watching an amazing mircale lidat. fortunately, it was time she woke up and she opened her eyes to see us!! WOW! she's really v v v v cute!!!! wanna hug her but she's only 10 days old so i scared i wud injured her soft bones and those little limbs of hers. but she was really funny when she tried to toss n turn, and how she rest one arm on top when she sleeps....haha :P

took some pics of her, gonna put up on my bloggie later on...:)

Pearl was telling us how she bore the pain when she was in labour. had contractions for 12hrs when her cervix only dilated for 1cm. nid 10cm before she is ready for delivery! oh man, no wonder she said she was so stressed coz she was so numbed frm all the contractions that she can't wait for the baby to be out! :P i was horrified listening to her re-telling us the story because i simply can't imagine how i'm gonna endure all that. but she seems q ok after her labour and i mus say all the pain she gone through can't beat the smile and cries of her little one. :)

Pearl din really put on weight tho, coz she was skinny in the first place so the pregnancy only made her slightly bah-bah, but she was still pretty as usual... :P can't imagine myself being pregnant, think i'm gonna become some big suckling pig or wat!!! haha :D

really enjoyed my time just looking at the baby, coz they can be so tiny n fragile but u noe they're full of life and u jus can't wait for them to grow up so u can play with them. :) It's one of those God's doing whenever i see a newborn baby. Thank God for such a wonderful present to Pearl n husband and hope Jacee will grow up to be a healthy little girl!

Tuesday, January 04, 2005

can really feel all the stuff starting to pile up on me...

i actually dun feel pressurised but rather i feel challenged, and there's this adrenaline rush whenever i know that i'm trying to stay ahead of the school work. It jus feels a sense of achievment when I've achieved what i've set out to achieve.

I think i set very high standards for myself, partly because my parents don't give me pressure at all so all the more i wan to make sure i don't exploit the privilege i have.

I also feel that altho there are prodigies and geniuses around, but it really is possible to become smarted by full maximising one's potential, such as working extra hard and stuff. as they said in chinese, 勤能补拙, i think it really make sense.

and i think i like to challenge myself too. I think that what other ppl can achieve, i also have equal opportunities to do so. i duno, sometimes ppl say i'm stubborn, a stick in the mud and i take things too seriously. oh well, i'm not sure oso...haha

but it's kind of interesting to be competing w myself coz i know my biggest enemy is MOI!

press on....

Monday, January 03, 2005

shit. the raindrop image couldn't load and apparently that author exceeded her bandwidth at photobucket so it can't display clearly. changed back to this one, think it looks better in terms of layout and navigation.

first day wasn't quite nice as i've expected. was caught in the long queue to board the bus and ended up 10min late for the first seminar. had expected the tutor to be kind and give grace, being the first day of school. But he didn't. sucky... :( and so he started to nag and immediately lay down some house rules like "Be punctual. Be prepared. Be Honest" yadda yadda. hmm, sounds like some military academy lidat. *bleah*

anyhow, after the lesson, we went to comp lab to print some stuff. Marketing lecturer finally loaded things up and it's helluava loads of them! grrr.... :( The queue at the printer was disgusting, average 50 documents printing on each printer. Waited for abt 15min before it's my turn. urgh.

Gotta settle the 205 textbook stuff coz everyone seems to be buying 2nd hand (coz the new text is freakingly ex!!). Edwin was lucky to find one soon and met w the buyer during lunch. Got abit worried coz i still cant' find the book and i nid to use it to read for Thurs' class. had to photocopy the readings for this week first. But lucky me, shortly after i placed an ad at the Market Place, a seller called to sell her textbook to me and i'm meeting her on Wed after class. Yeah! haha :P God's grace :D

jus finished my first biz comm assignment. took some time to do it but letting Ugin and Mildred to help me vet the style of writing. :P need to hand in by tomolo, so pretty stressed when doin it. hope it's ok.

gotta slp soon...tom still nid to wake up early to read my notes for Thurs class.. :(

sighz, this is only the first day/week of school!!!!!

Saturday, January 01, 2005

has anyone noticed that ever since the tsunami tragedy, it has been raining on and off non-stop for a few days already....The sky is always mono-coloured and greyish clouds are always looming nearby, hinting that another rainfall is due expected on our grounds.

it seems to be God's way of mourning the deceased.

Some ppl asked that if God so loved us, y would he bear to let us suffer such a catastrophe.

well, i believe that it's not that God has forsaken us, it's becoz we haf forsaken Him. could still rem wat Pastor Prince said during the Xmas service that God is always here for us yet everytime we chose not to acknowledge his presence. I think there is a reason behind everything He does. I chose not to believe that He has forsaken us becoz i noe He wouldn't, but rather, is becoz of wat the ppl has done to ourselves like engaging in war fare and others that we brought it upon ourselves...

He is sad that his children are ended up this way so he chose to rain for many days as an act to show his devastation...

I jus pray that families of those who died in this tragedy will find peace and families of those who were missing, were able to find their loved ones soon, even eventually they may not be alive anymore...

As the first day of 2005, i hope everything will jus go well for everybody from now on... May God bless you.