Wednesday, August 11, 2004 @ 6:48 pm
i suddenly feel useless....
duno why, seems like friends around me are all doin so well in their league or field of studies, makes me feel so inferior beside them..
i'm just a very normal undergrad at NTU, struggling everyday to finish reading my notes just for the sake of reading it....
what else can I do besides studying? I really duno what else am I capable of...seriously.
i feel that all of them seemed like they have a specific purpose in their life and they know what they're doing right now and what will they be doin in future.
i don't.
i studied Accountancy becoz of elimination. I can't do science, arts, literature, language. Wat's left? Accountancy n business.
And accountancy is supposedly the better choice of the two coz it's provides much better prospects than biz grads. wat the hell. I chose it becoz there was no way out.
So here I am, trying hard to make myself appreciate what I'm studying now. Trying hard to accomplish my readings, tutorials. Other than that, what else is there in life?
I find no meaning right now, only aimlessly buzzing around, desperately trying hard to graduate in 2006.
I'll then prolly get myself a "no-day-no-night" job like auditing or accounting. Slog my guts out and earn that money to pay off my study loan, den save some money and hopefully can take a Masters of something I'm interested.
Then again? What interests me? Public relations? Human resource? I duno.
Then i can forsee myself getting married at 26/27, and start the whole vicous cycle of slogging again jus to pay off my house loan, car debts, misc and utilities bills, insurance for my kids, allowance for my parents and in-laws.....
and at an age of prolly 50? I'll prolly sit down on that old rattan rocking chair by that luxurious condo balcony of mine, of which i've slogged for 20 years jus to pay off that stupid house loan, and reflect on what I've really achieved in half a century of my life.
Only to find that this ailing old woman rockin' in the chair has achieved nothing at all. NOTHING.
well, u can prolly said that at least I brought up my kids and have a roof over the top. Yeah, that's gonna be my ONLY achievement. hah.
oh well, i'll probably still have this blog when I'm 50. God knows if they Blogger has enough capacity to put my 30 years of entries in their database.
I hope I go to heaven.
Peace.