Friday, February 13, 2004 @ 11:03 am
jus came back frm airport.
sent my cousin Tiffany to Australia for 2 years of study.
this is the 3rd of my close frens/relative whom I have sent. First was Jia Qi whom, technically speaking, i din really got to send coz i was 1 min late.....I cried pretty badly that time, and it really had a big impact on me. I really can't believe i was late and i could haf been earlier had I woke up early. Well, what's done cannot be undone liao.
So when i sent Hui Min off, i told myself that i must force myself to wake up much earlier than the expected time and be there early. And so I did.
Frankly speaking, I don't really like to send people off. It's sad and depressing, to knoe that someone you love and are dear to you aren't going to be conveniently available when you wan them to be. You can't get to see them (tho there's such thing as webcam) and most imptly, you'll miss the chance of giving them a hug or jus simply call and chit-chat.
Tif and I had been very close since we were young. We always play together, visit each other's house, go out shopping and stuff. There were times when she disappoint me, when we were young, she sometimes bang seh me sometimes when we had already agreed that she come to my house to play. But I didn't really mind then coz I noe there's mus be reasons why she couldn't come. (I remember this not coz I ji4 chou2 or wat lar, it's jus part of my childhood memories lo:)
There were times when she will come and relate some relationship problems to me. And the weird thing was that I was 2 yrs younger than her, and i had no idea wat it was like to be in a relationship. But I guess I'm slightly more mature in my thinking, so I could see things more objectively and rationally than her. Not say that my advice was always correct, but perhaps as a 3rd party, I'm more observant than those involved ba.
We gradually drifted apart when I went to JC and became occupied with school work and stuff. Didn't really tok much also, we used to yak and yak on the phone for hours...But it's slowly becoming one of those sweet memories....After that, I went to Uni and she was working, I guess when ppl are in a different environment, we haf different perspectives ba....Sometimes I can't agree with wat she's doing but I can't say much becoz I'm after all, younger than her and I feel that wateva she's doin, there's must be some logical reasons behind them. I jus quietly supported her decision. My role has changed to one that is active to one that is proactive. Someone who will always be there if ever she needed me.
I read a quiz she did on Friendster and she mentioned that she's still wearing the friendship ring we went to get before I got attached. I felt really horrible coz she mentioned that she still wore it althought i already didn't. I felt bad that I didn't cherish her as much as she cherish me.....And the feeling has been stabbing ever since.
I wanted to tell her how much i love her, as a cousin, as a sister, as a friend. But many times, the words will stop short at my mouth, unable to voice them out verbally when we talked or met.
I tried hard to hold back my tears when i hugged her at the airport jus now. That was a hug which I've been wanting to give her but never had the chance to. The feeling was mutual i guess.
I hope she will be up and well over at Australia. After all, 2 years ain't short.....Kinda missed her already....:(
To Tiffany:
I thank God for letting us to be cousins and your presence has really changed my life. Wish you all the best in whatever you do and stay in contact yah? :)
Missing you in Singapore........